Et tu, Brute? Or is that Et Lei, Brute?

For some reason I find knowing when to use formal pronouns and verbs a much harder process to master in Italian than in either French or Spanish.  In French it seems to me that, as far as one adult speaking to another, unless they are related or in some other way intimately connected, it is necessary to wait for the permission to 'tutoyer.'  In Spanish, my experience has been that formalities are much more flexible and most of the Spanish pen-pals I've had very quickly dispense with all the Usteds and Ustedes.  Italian usage, however, seems much more restrictive.  I have an Italian correspondent who is considerably younger than I am and she tells me that technically she must always address me with the formal Lei.

Besides the fact that this seems to me to open up the possibilities of appearing rude or disrespectful, already a reputation that often follows Americans wherever they go, it also makes the Italian grammar difficult, as if it weren't already challenging enough.  When I was studying French, practically all pronouns and verbs were introduced in their formal forms.  This worked well, I thought, because it was with these forms that one would first begin a conversation with a French speaker.  I could always pick up the informal speech later.  With Italian, though, it seems to me imperative to learn both forms thoroughly right from the start, since I'm older and it's quite likely I would need to address a lot of people with tu.  So, that makes for a lot of doubling up.  I suppose this inconvenience is leveled out by many other aspects that seem to me to be easier than French or Spanish:  in general the pronunciation is very similar to English and there are very few sounds that are problematic for English speakers (unlike the soft g's and b's and v's and the Castillian c in Spanish) and also making a statement into a question in Italian is usually simply a matter of raising the tone a little at the end of the sentence or phrase--very little inverting is involved. 


A language expert once noted that it is unproductive to dwell on the difficulty or simplicity of any particular language--such concerns will only slow down the learning process and impede your studies.  They're all hard in that they are different from the language we grew up with.  Most languages express things completely differently.  If I ever get to the point where learning intuitively when to use Tu or Lei becomes a mandate, then I'm sure I'll be able to rise to the occasion.  Meanwhile, I'll just continue to absorb as much as I can--and enjoy myself.  Mi piace imparare l'italiano.